Stirling Up the Nest

"Like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions." (Deuteronomy 28:49)

Children need a sense of increasing competence, self-mastery, and independence. Able to handle a “kid's size” problem without parental help is one step closer for them to face bigger problems in the future. Where else can they learn to deal with life on their own? Independence is best developed gradually within proper limits and abundant parental love and support. Boundary provides a safe place for children to freely think, feel and act. Such boundary should expand as they grow.

"Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach him how to fish, and you feed him for a life time." Children does not become an independent and responsible adult all at once when they turn 18 or leave for college. It is helpful for parents to understand developmental cycles and the range of normal physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual characteristics within each stage. While you may have functioned very well as their manager when they were young, at certain point, you have to become a coach, and then later a consultant for your teenagers.

Confused and disapponted that their well-behaved and compliant child would get into troubles in their teens, parents often ask why. The answers are usually some combination of teen's impulsive search for excitment, the fear of rejection, or the inability of dealing with peer pressure. Have they learned how to say No? Have they made mistakes and learned from experience? Do they have good judgment and conviction? Can they stand up for themselves?

Parents, don't be afraid of letting children choose what to eat and to wear as long as you are teaching and showing them how to think. In age-appropriate ways, share with them some of your own struggles, options, alternatives and consequences and how you have made decisions. It is through thousands of such small steps (and even mistakes) that we prepare children to leave home.

I believe it is good to stirl up the nest and let our young people step out of their comfort zones. Just stay in their lives and watch. Catch them fall if it is absolutely necessary. This is the second reason I identify myself as an eagle.

Copyright © 2006 Winnis Chiang, Parenting ABC