Let Go and Let God

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)

Four years ago today, we arrived our son’s college early in the morning. Our van lined up for the freshmen move-in service a few blocks from his dorm. Finally our vehicle was the first one in line. Strong college students unloaded our van and placed our son’s belongings into a canvas container. We watched as they rolled the huge container from the parking lot onto the winding pathways connecting different buildings. Before we knew it, everything was in the upstairs suite where our son would spend his first year of college living with five other guys.

With lightning speed, our son set up his PC and the two of them took turn checking their e-mails. After I made his bed and checked my e-mail, our son sat in front of his new work station and said, "This place is like a palace" and Dad said, “It’s time to go.” Caught by surprise, I uttered, “Let’s go to bookstore and help him get his books.” I could not believe how smooth everything went in the store. When Dad said, “let’s go” again, I looked at my watch. “Hey, it’s almost noon, let’s have lunch together.” As we walked around campus, we grew quiet. Inside I was angry, asking myself, What is the rush? Why are they so eager? I remembered a friend telling me how her girl would not let them leave so they stayed around campus for a few more days.

Waiting for lunch, I was overwhelmed inside: I couldn't believe I feel so sad. I'm angry we have to leave so soon. I'm afraid something bad might happen to one of us like 911. I really miss my Mom. I never saw her since leaving Hong Kong in August 1973. What if I would die early just like her? Don't they care? Finally, I could pretend no more. With tears welling in my eyes, I said, “I feel very sad right now” and started sharing my feelings and thoughts, a little bit at a time. As they listened attentively, I felt understood and loved again.

After lunch I suggested, "Let's take pictures of campus. Mom will be on her way in a couple of hours" and we all started laughing. Two hours later, Dad took the last picture for the two of us. My almost six feet tall son wrapped his arm around my shoulders. If you ever look at that picture, you would see tears in my eyes and smile on my face. I am sad to depart but I am so glad that we parented him for 18 years. It is time for him to face the world. Even if I would never see him on earth again, I have no regret. I pray that I can see him in Thanksgiving!

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