Cousins and Extended Family

We had a great time last night. When our five-year-old niece gave thanks, she thanked God for all her cousins. My sister-in-law explained later that until recently, her little girl only counted two girls (age 5 and 7) as her cousins because they play together a lot. In her mind, closeness is defined by their time together. Why did she not count her other cousins? Even closer according to the family tree, they are in high school and graduate schools and have their own lives.

When our son was few young, my husband took him to SF almost every weekend whenever I went to work. Grandma and Grandpa took him and his two girl cousins (they are only one year apart) to the Golden Gate Park playground. All three of them are still close to each other and to Grandma.

Parents from overseas often feel sorry for their children (especially an only child) when there is no extended family in the United States. Without brothers, sisters, and cousins living nearby, kids could be quite lonely. It is hard to have lasting friendships with kids at day care and/or team activities when everyone was rushed around or in competition. Some parents do not let their kids play with neighbors who are often of different ages and races. This is very different from the ways we grew up in our old countries. For example, I grew up with 13 cousins under the same roof. At any given time, there were always a few of us who could play together. Besides, I could also walk to my friends near door or within a few blocks, just to hang out.

Our son also spent a lot of time with another boy when he was young. They were only one day apart and look like unidentical twin boys. We lived in different cities but both families made time, even going on vacations together. When he was in kindergarten, we started going to church where he met many other kids of his own age. They were together every week and became like cousins, siblings, and families.

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