Preparing for the Storms

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

Hurricane Katrina made landfall in Louisiana and within an hour, water was breaking through the city’s levees. Before the storm, some of us were unaware that New Orleans was considered a “soup bowl of a city” with most of it well below sea level. Now we heard that “everyone knew” it could be filled with 20 feet of water! The public was dismayed that so many city residents did not have their own transportation in the mandatory evacuation. Who could have thought that such a devastated disaster would happen in the United States? Some people did. They just chose to assume that bad thing would never happen. How to get ready for unexpected storms and crises in life?

Parents of teenagers often could not believe their compliant and well-behaved kids would have become such rude and unreasonable creatures. It is important to be educated about human development and be able to differentiate “normal” teenage behaviors from indications that your teens are at risk with real troubles. Keep your cool and never threaten to kick them out of the house for you might regret such edict later. Just remember that your teenager is probably struggling with conflicting emotions and the need of independence when searching for personal identity.

Before their teen years, train your kids with abundant love and age appropriate limit settings. Help them to think and feel and become responsible people one step at a time by gradually granting them freedom that maches their age, responsibility and accountability. Seek help early.

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

Resilience in Children

”Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27)

Talking with people who have been directly or indirectly touched by cancer, we agreed that a patient will go through denial, anger, and bargaining before the reality sinks in and they feel depressed. At the bottom of depression, the patient may choose to accept the situation and live a new life style, or get stuck in the pit of depression.

I once read about a teenager with cancer who spent a lot of time in the hospital. When he accepted the reality of his illness, he started to research about his cancer on symptoms, diagnosis, treatment methods, and related topics. He ended up knowing so much that he gained the nickname of “Little Doctor.” The hospital staff even gave him a white lab coat to wear and sent new residence to “find out all about cancer” from him. That teenager was very resilient!

Resilience means the ability to withstand shock without permanent damage, and the tendency to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or adversity. On earth, we all have to face uncomfortable situations, unpleasant people, and unexpected events from time to time. Even normal day-to-day living could be very stressful. Therefore, it is important for us to teach and show our children how to be resilient people. One sure way of bouncing back is to have a peace of mind by learning how to accept things that are beyond our control.

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

The Tale of Two Baby Showers

“Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift? The fruit of the womb his generous legacy?” (Psalm 127:3 -- MSG version)

I attended two baby showers in two cities yesterday. I am so happy for both expecting moms. Each of them loves kids, and has been waiting for a child for a few years. Now each of them is going to have her first born in a month or so. How exciting!

In each party, we shared food, talked, played games, and watched the parents-to-be unwrap gifts. Although our activities were similar, there were differences: (1) Only one party included men beside the expecting dad; (2) One party used English as its primary language but the other used Mandarin Chinese; and (3) There were lots of hugs in one party but not much in the other.

Games we played had different favors. In one party, guests were divided into two teams. With an empty bag and a list of things that a mom might need, we excitedly looked into our own purses to find as many items as possible. We laughed about what a young mom had to carry. In the other party, we cheered three grown men (including the dad-to-be) sucking water from baby bottles and understood it would need patience to feed a baby with a bottle.

I am so blessed to have friends who are American Born Chinese (ABC) and Oversea Born Chinese (OBC). Although the two groups have different subcultures, we are bonded by the love of God and our common belief that children are special and precious gifts from God.

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

The Excitement of Parenthood

"Do you give the horse his strength or clothe his neck with a flowing mane? ... In frenzied excitement he eats up the ground; he cannot stand still when the trumpet sounds." (Job 39:19-24)

When someone told me, "Your life would never be the same again" twenty-two years ago, I took it with a grain of salt. But now I know better -- we will never stop being our son's Mom and Dad for the rest of our lives. Looking back, I am amazed at the journey we took as parents. I could mention the outcome, "Our baby boy has grown up ... He graduated from college!" or I can share with you how loving our son means we travel with him through life, in spirit or in person.

Just a few minutes ago, my husband and I were making faces to each other and laughing nervously with mixed emotions reading our son's blog -- What? Hopping on his mountain bike 5 times per second? Landing on the ground with 7 holes in his T-shirt? Telling his friends who formed a circle of concern around him that he was okay? Thanking God that he only had a scab?

In Job 39, God was questioning Job about his knowledge of animals, their youngs, and control of life. No matter how much we want to protect our kids, sooner or later we have to let them go. There is comfort in knowing that other parents have experienced similar fears and heartaches. Focus on influencing your sons and daughters while they were at home; and surrender those concerns that are out of your control!

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC