What Is Important to Me?

Our church decided to reach out to our community by passing out tracts and invitations at two new supermarkets targetting Asian and Chinese Americans. Co-workers asked me to speak on "American Kids, Chinese Parents" on November 9th and I said yes. Parenting ABC is one of the most popular topic at my workshops.

On October 13th we went to one market and today another. Before I left the house, a sister told me that someone else would be collecting donations for the South Cal big fire last week. Upon arrival, I saw ten people wearing color-coded outfits occupying four poles at the two entrances. They had big signs and donation boxes, and someone writing out receipts. Definitely very organized.

As my heart went out to victims in South Cal, I thought about how many people did not know what they were living for from day to day. Before long, a scene from October 1994 came to my mind. That year, I was in a team representing our high-tech company demonstrating new products in Beijing, China in a big show. For the whole week, we had people coming to our booth and seeking information. They were so interested in the new stuff that there was usually a line of people looping around our booth. In comparison, on this Saturday afternoon, most people just wanted to buy grocery and return home (or go to the next stop) in a hurry, they really did not want to halt for any reason.

Our small church had two to three people at each shift passing out a Gospel tract with an insert to invite people to a parenting talk. It may be very insignificant in people's eyes, but those of us who went there knew why and what we were doing. Even more important, we knew for whom we were doing this. I smiled and nodded at the sister who was standing at the other entrance.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men" (Colossians 3:23).

Does Anyone Care?

On October 21-24, I attended a retreat with twenty-five women near Yosemite. I almost did not go because my heart was heavy with the recent diagnosis and treatment options for James' left eye. But he reminded me how I enjoyed the last two retreats and signed up very early for this one. He said, “Don’t worry. Remember you wanted a few days away from me?”

I knew he had to go back and forth using e-mails and phone calls to make appointments. Time is the essence but my cell phone may not work in the mountains. Finally, I told him, "Whatever schedule they come up with, if you feel comfortable after praying, go ahead."

I told my small group on Sunday night but it was at the end of Tuesday night that I asked everyone to pray for my husband. "I really don't know whether James should have an operation. There are benefits but there are risks and complications. We have no idea when the doctor(s) can schedule his surgery. If that happens, he has to face down for 2-3 weeks and wait for the gas bubble to dissolve in 6-8 weeks. We have bought tickets to leave on December 25th for a mission trip in Europe."

They prayed for us (and other people). Afterwards, some of them told me they knew people with similar surgery and recovered well. The next day, while I was touring Yosemite with some of these sisters, James got onto surgery calendar with Dr. L. The date of operation is November 13th, exactly six weeks from December 25th!

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:6-7).

Why Are We Unhappy?

Tonight I gave a talk about "Why Are We Unhappy? Understanding and Dealing with Emotions." Do you know our unhappiness often have something to do with our expectation?

For example, about two months ago, someone was referred to me by a seminary. She asked, "we are looking for a professional to lead a workshop on emotions ... We usually meet on the 4th Saturday of the month, but we can accomodate your schedule."

I was quite happy to find out that I was free on October 27th. We picked the title and the organizer was designing the flyer to invite people when something else came up. Normally, my policy is first-come-first-serve; however, this time it involved my church. I was frustrated. Even though it was not something I absolutely had to attend, I still preferred to support my husband. Underneath the frustration, I was disappointed that I could not be at two places at the same time. If I knew, I would not promise to talk on that day. But it soon came to me that if I did that, I would never schedule anything. Interestingly, I had a false sense of guilt of not being able to anticipate the unknown!

Thank God that my husband understood my dilemma and was supportive. Calming down, I remembered that in the beginning, they did say they would accomodate me because it was an internal event. It would not hurt to ask.

I sent out an e-mail inquiring whether it was possible to move the talk ahead for one week and I waited for their response. By now I was okay with whatever the outcome instead of feeling anxious like I used to. The worst is for them to say no, at least I prayed and I took action to clarify my own desire. I was not afraid to take the risk.

"Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." (Psalm 5:2-3)

The group was very gracious. They also invited another fellowship to join them. The end result? There were more people than they originally expected. The workshop went extremely well, and we are all happy and grateful for that.

In Quietness and Confidence

"In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength" (Isaiah 30:15b).

Both specialists told us there could be extra complications and risks because of the high myopia of James eye. Ever since I heard the news, I was nervous, anxious and worried from time to time. Thank God for sending another expert, our friend and brother Dr. D, to help us sort things out. He told us both doctors are experienced. He recommended us to contact our first opinion specialist to tell him our travel schedule and find out who might have earliest open schedule to give us a chance to travel by Christmas time.

That's what James would do tomorrow. The rest is up to God.

Second Opinion

James saw Dr. L this afternoon. I was armed with questions another doctor friend (not eye doctor) told me, questions like: What is the success rate of surgery? What are the risks and complications? What would happen without surgery? (e.g. stay the same? get worse? get better?) Will the condition become stablized? Can you just monitor him?

Now both specialists recommend the surgery called Vitrectomy to repair the macular hole in James' left eye so to (1) regain some (if not most) central vision, and (2) keep his retina attached. The surgery involves removing and replacing the jelly like substance in the eye with a gas bubble. Recovery requires the patient to be in a face down position 24 hours a day (at least 90% of the time) for two to three weeks. According to the doctors, "When he is facing down, the gas supports and pushes the retina to the back of his eye, and hopefully new cells will grow and close the hole naturally in the macular." In other words, although doctors can treat, only God heals.

At the end, I asked, "If James was someone in your family, what would you recommend?" He looked at me and said, "Because he is so young, I would recommend him to have the surgery."

We shared a practical concern with this doctor as well. "We have already bought tickets for a mission trip to Europe during Christmas and New Year. Can we (the surgery) wait until we get back?" He answered, "The gas will take 6 to 8 weeks to dissolve. Before then, it will not be safe to get onto a plane. Waiting may be okay but it should be done sooner instead of later."

During our meeting, I intentionally did not bring up the name of our friend Dr. D who is a colleague of Dr. L. I wanted to see how God works. Now, James and I have a lot to think about. Which specialist should we choose? When should James have the operation? Who knows the best answer?

"I guide you in the way of wisdom and lead you along straight paths" (Proverbs 4:11).

Mere Coincidence?

The mainland Chinese fellowship in my home church approached me in January to speak with them during 2007. For one reason or another, we had to reschedule to October 13th. (Although I no longer attend this church, I still consider her my home church because she is where I, my husband, and son met our Savior personally and was baptized individually. I was there from January 1989 to December 2004.)

As I was driving there from the baby shower, I thought about the possibility of James losing his eyesight. How I wished he could be there with me when I talked about "How to Increase Marital Intimacy by Knowing One Another All Life Long." Although I was tired and weary on the road, I felt better listening to the song "God will make a way" by Don Moen.

The first person I saw at church is my daughter-in-law. She gave me a big hug and said, "He is on his way." At dinner, I told her and a dear friend about James' left eye, and brother D came over. Brother D, who invited me to talk, is in charge of the fellowship. Could you believe that brother Dr. D (who is also an eye doctor) and our second opinion specialist Dr. L work in the same group?

Not only that, brother D had arranged to have our son give an opening talk before mine. My heart was filled with joy and gratefulness as I watched my only son talk with parents and their teenage ABCs (using Mandarin and English). He shared how God changed lives in his family and smiled at me when he said how it all started with his parents ... He hugged me before giving me the time.

"I will sing of the LORD's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations" (Psalm 89:1).

Oh What Have I Done?

Ever since our doctor visit, my mood was going up and down. I found my head spinning the whole day with questions. May be his condition is not that serious. May be we can wait and the hole will close by itself. I became irritated easily. "Oh Lord. Help us. All I need is for our problems to go away!"

I like things under control. A few weeks ago, this week appeared normal and easy. Other than our usual church activities and my counseling appointments, my only extra task was giving a talk on Saturday evening.

Just two weeks ago, a baby shower was rescheduled to Saturday (i.e. tomorrow). Sure. I could still attend the shower and drive one hour to give my talk. Last Friday, a pregnant sister asked whether I could substitute for her to sing with the praise team this coming Sunday. Yes. No big deal, I would just join the practice on Friday night (i.e. tonight) before fellowship.

On Tuesday night, in our co-workers meeting, I signed up to pass out gospel tracts at the new supermarkets tomorrow morning! What was I thinking? "Well, it is a great idea to invite neighbors to our church. Someone has to do it. Besides, I will be the speaker of our community outreach on November 9th."

Mind you that all these changes happened before we got the first opinion yesterday. Today at around 5:30 p.m., our phone rang. It was a dear sister who had been coughing for a few days. "I could not teach the children tonight. Are you busy?" "Umm. I was assigned to lead singing." "If I could find someone else to do that, will you teach? I've already prepared the lesson." Even I was surprised when I heard myself said, "Of course." She called back within minutes and offered, "Do you want me to drop off the materials?" "Well, no. Let me come after dinner. You just rest at home. Okay?"

Until that phone call, I was overwhelmed with my own problems. Teaching kids actually took my mind away from our problems! Now the evening is almost over, it is true that "I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Phillipians 4:13).

Macular Hole

After waited for one month, we met with a retina specialist today. We were happy when we received the appointment in the mail. "Great! You are seeing the specialist so and so told us about."

The doctor was friendly as he conversed with James about his symptoms. He examined the dialated eyes and told his assistant to run some tests and get some charts. Afterwards, he told us, "You have a hole in your macular" and explained further.

"The macular is the pin-head sized center of the retina. It controls the central vision of the eye." He held up a tissue paper, fold it into half, and tore out a tiny piece along the side. When he unfolded the paper, there was a hole in the middle. "You have a hole in the macular. This is why you miss something in the center when you use your left eye ... When you look at a word, you may miss one or more of the alphabets in the center."

My mind jumped to "How about a car on the highway?" although I didn't say it. I heard James asked, "So what can be done?" The doctor described a surgery with a strange name with phrases like ... Taking out fluids ... Replaced it with a gas bubble ... Face down after surgery ... Complication with high myopia. He handed James a piece of paper. "Here, you can read about this online. Do some research. It is so easy with the Internet nowadays." Then he recommended us to get second opinion.

Instinctly I replied, "Second opinion? But you are the expert!" "Well, it is his eye. And if I were him, I would get second opinion." James asked, "Who can we see?" The doctor gave us two choices. "One is a Dr. L within the network but at a different location. Another is the inventor of this procedure. He is in private practice in Sacramento." James said, "Within the network."

The doctor asked his nurse to write down the name and phone number for us to call. I dreaded at the thought of having to call and wait for appointment. We were walking towards the exit with heavy hearts when the nurse called after us. "James, come back. Let me try to get you onto Dr. L's calendar . . . How about 1:30 p.m. on Monday?" Only four days away? Could you believe that?