Teen Suicide

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" (Mark 8:36)

You might have heard about the bright high school student who committed suicide in Taiwan yesterday. Two months ago, he entered one of the most famous High Schools in Taipei by doing well in the entrance exams.

In the letter he left behind, he said sorry and goodbye to his parents and brother. He mentioned his hurt from a failed relationship, disappointment of not doing well in his mid-term, fatigue of traveling a long distance to attend school, pressure of being in the top academic school, and anxiety of having to study even harder. When he talked to his mom about his midterm, she reassured him that he would do well and offered to find a tutor for him.

If you can read Chinese, click on the following link for details:

http://news.sina.com.tw/newsCenter/focusReport/14168/13307137-1.html

We all want our children to succeed. But what price do you want them to pay to be "successful"? Do you know their feelings, thoughts, needs, wishes and dreams? Do you understand what is really happening?

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

Building Bridges

"So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." (Matthew 7:12)

Yesterday, more than 220 volunteers reached out to our community. We were dispersed to various sites in neighboring towns to spruce up backyards, clear clutters, paint houses, clean gutters, repair roofs, and fix plumbing! Others stayed inside the church to create care packages for troops overseas, paint vases for the American Cancer Society's Daffodil Days, take care of young kids, and prepare lunch bags for those people who were working outside. Building Bridges is the name of this annual church event.

Our team was assigned the task of clearing out the back yard of a house. We had no problem finding the right house: people were already cutting and pulling tall weeds in the front. We could hardly open the side gate which was filled with thorny blue berry vines on the other side. Encouraged by each other's enthusiasm and the emerging ground under our feet, we attacked the monumental task a little bit at a time. Once we could walk through the side yard, some of us advanced to the jungle in the back. For hours, we wielded shears, rakes and clippers to help spruce up the yards around the house. We filled two giant dumpsters with weeds, yard clippings and other clutters from the porch.

It was hard labor and very tiring. But Our hearts are still filled with gratitude that we could share God's love in action.

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

Evening News

"I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. " (Psalm 121:1-2)

I like to watch TV news when I am fixing dinner. However, I often wonder why the media does not report any good news. Tonight was one of those "bad news" nights with these headlines:

(1) A Boston dad was arrested and jailed after protesting his 5-year-old coming home from school with a book "Who's in a family?" that includes family of same-sex marriage.
(2) Brother and sister were killed by a car in front of their school in San Jose.
(3) A mom threw her three children (age 1, 3, 6) into the San Francisco bay after taking off their clothes.
(4) Some people doubt whether parents should be notified before their daughter has an abortion.
(5) A defiant Saddam Hussein pleaded innocent to charges of murder and torture.
(6) The death toll of the recent Pakistan earthquate rose to 79,000.
(7) Hurricane Wilma is another big storm coming to Florida.

Parenting can be overwhelming these days just because of the world we live in! What are your feelings, thoughts and beliefs regarding these subjects? How do you explain these things to your children? Who do you turn to for help?

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

End of Life Wishes

"The length of our days is seventy years— or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away ... Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." (Psalm 90:10,12)

At a recent cancer care training, a nurse shared her experience working at a hospice for over 10 years. She prepares her patients by helping them ask these important questions ahead of time.

(1) How do I wish to be treated (e.g. resuscitated or not) when I could no longer make decision? Where do I want to spend my last days on earth? What level of comfort care do I want?

(2) Who are the person(s) I want to see the most? Are there any unfinished businesses that I have to resolve? Who do I need to spend one-on-one quality time with?

(3) What do I need in terms of a life review? Do I have any spiritual needs? Is there any special music or video I would like to have playing in my room?

At the end of life, what matters the most is a person's relationships with God, self, and others. None of us know how long we will live. If you have any misunderstanding or conflict with someone you really love and care about, don't hold onto it until the end. Resolve your issues and reconcile with the person today!

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

Sibling Rivalry

"Parents should guard against comparative statements which routinely favor one child over another. This is particularly true in three areas: physical attractiveness, intelligence, and athletic abilities." (Dr. James Dobson, The Strong-Willed Child.)

Favoritism is a common cause of sibling rivalry. Parents may hurt one child unintentionally when too much attention was given to his/her sibling. This is one of my first lessons counseling children in a public school. In a single week, I got two new referrals for two 7-year-old boys. Both teachers told me, “He is always disrupting or distracting the class. He is often angry at other kids ...” Later, I found out that the boys had something else in common. Each had a 4-year-old sister described as "very cute and sweet" by their parents!

I still remembered the day I met one of them. As I walked in the hallway after the morning assembly, I was almost run over by a little boy running towards his classroom. I heard him saying to himself, "I'm late. I'm late. I'm late again. I hate my sister." In counseling, he told me, "My sister does not want to get up. Mom waits for her everyday. She always makes me late." I listened and helped him name his feeling of anger, sadness, and hurt.

I decided to counsel the boys in a group so that they could experience healthy togetherness while competing for adult attention. We played games like Sorry or Uno stacks. Initially, they got angry easily, especially when there was a slight suspicion that I was unfair. In the safe environment, each gradually learned to recognize and express his own feeling, and to accept and show respect and empathy for others. Feeling secured enough, they took their new ways of relating out of the counseling room. I am so grateful that I was there!

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC