Thursday, December 22, 2005

Dealing with the Loss of a Child

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

Just heard the news that the son of Indianapolis Colts football coach was found dead in his apartment. Tony Dungy's eldest son James was 18-year-old, 6'7" tall, and attending college in Florida. The cause of death seems to be suicide. Closer to home, a couple in the choir I used to sing with just lost their daughter (to an accidental choking) a few days ago. How do parents deal with the death of a child?

All I can say is that grieving is normal, even for Christians, and recovery takes time. Stay relational rather than rational as you talk with them. Listen with empathy and don't try to answer the question WHY. Give them time to grieve and cry. They need your prayers, comfort, and support. Listen to them and walk alongside as they go through stages of denial, anger, bargaining and depression before acceptance and forgiveness. I feel humbled in situation where I am inadequate. Thankfully, with my faith, I can count on hope and help that only God can provide.

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

Monday, December 19, 2005

No Room, No Room

"and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn." (Luke 2:7)

I watched some children performed a musical yesterday. The play has a story within a story. A boy named LEON was the main character. In the beginning, Leon and other kids eagerly tried out for parts in a Christmas pageant. As the story went, everyone else was chosen but Leon did not have a part. You could imagine Leon's disappointment. Eventually, he was asked to be the understudy of the innkeeper with "No room, no room" as his own line.

With a twist of fate, Leon had to act on performance night and a miracle happened: Leon saw Joseph and the very pregnant Mary and had compassion on them. Instead of his rehearsed line, he burst out, "Wait, there is a room. You can have my room."

Many parents want their children to have moral characters, e.g. to be considerate, loving, respectful, polite, etc., especially towards parents and siblings. However, our world also promotes fierce competition and admires superstars. There is nothing wrong about our kids being the best they could be, but we have to look beyond their performance and popularity to love and treasure them as human beings.

LEON spelled backward is NOEL, which means Christmas. In the play, Leon learned the true meaning of Christmas. He demonstrated selfless love and compassion!

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Lasting Friendship

"And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward." (Matthew 10:42).

I attended a "Christmas Soiree" where a couple were hosting a little something all day with continuous feasting, conversations, and festivities for friends who were dropping in. I had a great time because I got to talk to many people: some I already knew, and others I met at the party. These friends are from different periods of his, her, and their life as husband and wife. I could tell they are open, caring and accepting by their choice of friends: people from different walks of life, different marital/parental status, different age groups, and people from different countries speaking different languages.

One man told me he met the hostess in elementary school. "We were in fifth grade. I just came from Hong Kong and I could only speak Cantonese. She was the only person kind to me. She translated for me and helped me with my English." Their families moved and they lost touch and were not reconnected until a few years ago. He is now a business man with degrees from Harvard and Berkeley. She
graduated from Stanford and is a stay-at-home mom with two little boys. I took a picture for them and he said, "She really helped me."

On my way home, I thought about one 5th-grade girl I counseled years ago.
Her parents were originally from India and she was born in the United States. Although her mom and dad were high functioning professionals, the girl was sad and lonely after moving here from the East Coast. I am glad that I was there during her critical time of adjustment.

Parents, do your kids have friends? Are you aware how difficult it could be for kids to move to a new country, a new neighborhood, or even just a new school? Would you encourage your children to reach out and help someone new?

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC