Growing Pains

" ... because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in." (Proverbs 3:12)

Growing pains are inevitable. To prepare your son for the future, gradually give him more responsibility and freedom within a boundary that expands when he gets older and older. Take a proactive stance to train your daughter to think and feel. Model healthy ways to communicate and resolve conflicts with your spouse. In an atmosphere of love and acceptance, let each child make mistakes and experience the natural consequences of certain behaviors. Don’t take away all their pains.

Let’s say your son likes tossing baseballs outside. You have asked him to be careful and stay away from windows. One day he breaks your neighbor's window. The old lady gets angry and your son is scared. Encourage him to tell the truth and admit his mistake. Teach him to apologize and to ask for forgiveness. Help him figure out how to pay for repairs from his allowance or by doing extra chores. Love him and don't bail him out. He will learn a valuable lesson of ownership and consideration.

I am not advocating parents to abandon your responsibility or do something dangerous. But some lessons can only be learned on our own. When your teenage daughter does not want to get out of bed for school, remind her but don't take it personally. Let her be late. Sooner or later, her school will warn her of consequences for repeated tardiness. It is better for her to learn to get up on her own now than when she goes to college.

"No pain, no gain!" Parenting takes time, endurance and discipline. Never lose hope!

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

Parenting ABC

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." (Proverbs 22:6)

The other night, we watched "Sound of Music" on a a giant screen and sang along at church. I have always liked Maria: She is truthful and good, she sings beautifully, and she reaches out lovingly to people and nature. When Maria teaches the von Trapp children to sing, her enthusiasm is contagious. No wonder those kids love to sing.

Hi, my name is Winnis Chiang. I am a counselor specializing in helping couples who are finding the job of parenting a bit too overwhelming, especially when you both love your children and yet sometimes simply can't agree on what to do. I understand your struggles because I have been there. Just a few years back, I was wondering whether our son would turn out fine and whether my husband and I could survive our empty nest.

By the grace of God and wise counsel, my husband and I have become partners in marriage and parenting. We have learned to face challenges, appreciate our differences, and overcome our difficulties as we raised our only son together. Through this journey, we have built an intimate and vital relationship by being truthful to oneself and to one another. As lovers and best friends, we are celebrating our 30th anniversary this July, one month after our 22-years-old graduated from college.

I have learned and practiced ways for couples to get along and train your kids as a team. Instead of feeling frustrated, anxious and hurt, you and your family members can also relate with each other so to feel loved, cared for, valued and respected. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I help couples clarify your goals, listen to each other with empathy, process conflicting emotions and thoughts, and make healthy choices for your family. This blog is named "Parenting ABC" to reflect my passion of helping parents (and others) to help children and teenagers. In case you are wondering, there are 3 connotations of the abbreviation ABC:

(1) When we read we begin with ABC (the alphabets). When we raise children we can learn basic parenting strategies and skills for every stage of human development.

(2) In spite of cultural differences, even parents born overseas can successfully raise "American Born Chinese" (ABC) through acceptance, affection, respect, honest and caring communication, as well as effective conflict resolution.

(3) Other than physical, mental, emotional, and social development, children also need spiritual growth. Through faith and grace, parents can train and mold "American Born Christians" (ABC) before they leave home.

It is my pleasure to share my professional, personal and spiritual experience with you. I hope you like my tips, observations and reflections.

Back to the sing along contest ... Enjoying the movie and music, I sang my heart out. And guess what? I won the "Do Re Mi" award! The process of parenting can be very rewarding. As you invest time to relate with and train your children and teenagers with love and limits, I wish you great success in finding peace of mind!

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC