Siblings

My sister just called. She and her husband drove to their hometown which was hit by Hurricane Rita. There was water, but no electricity and gas. Instead of staying away, they took a chance to drive back to check on the two cats they couldn't take when they hurriedly left town. Yesterday they purchased a huge cage and got ready to carry the cats with them this time.

Both cats were alive. Apparently they were scared by the storm but they reacted differently at the sight of their owners. One of them followed my sister everywhere when she was cleaning up but the other was hiding. When it was time to leave, the first cat got into the cage willingly, but the other refused to cooperate. After playing hide and seek with the second cat for more than an hour, my brother-in-law and sister got tired and dizzy. They finally decided to let both cats stay to keep one another's company.

I imagine telling some kids about treasuing their siblings. We might have fought when we were young but I am so grateful for my sister and brother, especially after our parents passed away so early (Mom died at age 48, Dad at age 60). Thank God that my sister has survived Rita!

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

It's All About Family

"Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children." (Proverbs 17:6)

We attended a family BBQ yesterday at a neighborhood church. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw 2-year-old Ellie Busboom running around!

You see, on Labor Day Monday, Ellie was found at the bottom of a pool and was airlifted to Children's Hospital in Oakland. Her parents set up a website and words were quickly passed around. By the time we heard the news, we read this journal entry: "Ellie is in ICU at Children's Hospital ... There will be a CAT scan and EEG done Tuesday ... We need everyone to pray for normal brain function!" Together with many believers, we prayed for no or minimal brain damage.

In the next few days, we read that Ellie remained critically ill but there were many positive news. The final entry on September 12 read, "Well this dramatic week has ended with a dramatic day. This morning we were told by our doctor that there was no medical reason for Ellie to be in the hospital, let alone the ICU ... After the IV was removed Ellie walked, tried to run, and did a little jig! ... So Ellie is now home and sleeping in her own crib. God be praised! We would have never imagined our day or our week would end like this."

At the BBQ, Ellie's dad shared his gratefulness to God and their extended spiritual family. You too can read about a family's story of agony and hope at: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/elliebusboom

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

Grandma's Chinese painting

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. " (Ecclesiastes 7:8)

Our son visited grandma with us. Since he was gone for awhile, Grandma eagerly showed him the paintings she has done in the last few months. A few minutes later, she came to the living room and said, "Oh, I showed him how to paint fish and he wanted to try."

When grandma first showed our son how to use the brush, water, colors and ink, she had her hands full. After one or two strokes, he needed to go to the bathroom, then it was having to eat something, or to drink some water. His requests did not distract Grandma, who used to be a grade-school teacher in Taiwan. She patiently encouraged him to learn.

Little by litte, our boy learned to paint. In fifth grade, he won the Chinese Painting competition in his Chinese school. We were so proud of him when he won first prize for his grade level among a couple hundreds of Chinese schools in Northern California! The time grandma spent with him was really valuable, not just because he learned to love Chinese paintings, but also to enjoy the time they spent together.

After 15 minutes or so, I walked into the room to find out how he was doing with the fish. Here he was, 22 years old, using ink and water with his brush. I watched and we started talking. He didn't think he painted fish that well. I thought they are beautiful!

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

Let Go and Let God

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9)

Four years ago today, we arrived our son’s college early in the morning. Our van lined up for the freshmen move-in service a few blocks from his dorm. Finally our vehicle was the first one in line. Strong college students unloaded our van and placed our son’s belongings into a canvas container. We watched as they rolled the huge container from the parking lot onto the winding pathways connecting different buildings. Before we knew it, everything was in the upstairs suite where our son would spend his first year of college living with five other guys.

With lightning speed, our son set up his PC and the two of them took turn checking their e-mails. After I made his bed and checked my e-mail, our son sat in front of his new work station and said, "This place is like a palace" and Dad said, “It’s time to go.” Caught by surprise, I uttered, “Let’s go to bookstore and help him get his books.” I could not believe how smooth everything went in the store. When Dad said, “let’s go” again, I looked at my watch. “Hey, it’s almost noon, let’s have lunch together.” As we walked around campus, we grew quiet. Inside I was angry, asking myself, What is the rush? Why are they so eager? I remembered a friend telling me how her girl would not let them leave so they stayed around campus for a few more days.

Waiting for lunch, I was overwhelmed inside: I couldn't believe I feel so sad. I'm angry we have to leave so soon. I'm afraid something bad might happen to one of us like 911. I really miss my Mom. I never saw her since leaving Hong Kong in August 1973. What if I would die early just like her? Don't they care? Finally, I could pretend no more. With tears welling in my eyes, I said, “I feel very sad right now” and started sharing my feelings and thoughts, a little bit at a time. As they listened attentively, I felt understood and loved again.

After lunch I suggested, "Let's take pictures of campus. Mom will be on her way in a couple of hours" and we all started laughing. Two hours later, Dad took the last picture for the two of us. My almost six feet tall son wrapped his arm around my shoulders. If you ever look at that picture, you would see tears in my eyes and smile on my face. I am sad to depart but I am so glad that we parented him for 18 years. It is time for him to face the world. Even if I would never see him on earth again, I have no regret. I pray that I can see him in Thanksgiving!

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

Safety and Security

“ … and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,” (Psalm 91:4-5)

Life in America has not been the same since that fatal day on September 11, 2001. The world was turned upside down. The biggest loss is our sense of national and personal safety and security. All of us who repeatedly watched pictures of airplanes hitting the twin towers on TV felt unsafe, insecure and vulnerable.

After September 11, we immediately thought about our family and friends. Many people flocked to churches for comfort. Busy people remembered to treasure time with their loved ones. Parents helped their kids to deal with the catastrophe -- keeping their normal daily routines, sharing prayers, listening to music, sharing meals, hugging, and holding hands. We were reminded to talk with our children and teenagers about what they were hearing, seeing, and feeling.

Children feel safe with people they can trust. Don't let the emotional security of your children be hijacked by rejection, betrayal, abandonment, and unfulfilled promises. Show them consistent CARE by relating to them with compassion, acceptance, respect and empathy. Keep your promises. Say and mean "I am sorry, please forgive me" when you have hurt or offended someone.

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

Priority of Parenting

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Our son just came back from Colorado after spending 10 weeks working at a YMCA retreat center in the Rockies. He and other Navigators worked side-by-side with hundreds of International students and reached out to them. I was quite sleepy when my husband and I picked him up. Yet we went for a “midnight snack" in a Chinese restaurant and listened attentively to his summer adventures. I was amazed and pleased with his maturity.

I used to be a workaholic. After working in the high-tech industry as a Software Development Manager for 19 years, I decided to face my fear of insignificance. So, I became a stay-at-home mom when our son was twelve. I was not planning to attend Seminary or to earn a masters degree in counseling; but I did both by God's grace. With Dad spending time with him on Saturdays, I made myself available for him any time on weekdays.

Life is short and there are many things to be done. Setting priority is the first step of time management and stress reduction. I finally figured out that while most tasks could be done by someone else, I was the only mother for our child. Granted that not everybody has the luxury of staying home or working part-time; however, my choice has really paid off. In addition to loving and training our son before he left home for college, I transitioned to a high-touch career doing what I love doing the most, e.g. helping people grow!

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC

Parental Influence

“These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children...” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)

On this Labor Day weekend, our church is having a summer retreat. For four days and three nights, we will be sharing meals and living space, playing and praying together and having fun. Most importantly, we will be immersed in the truth and grace of God with our church family by studying the Bible. The love and connection we share will fill our souls because we have unity in Christ. It is through such interdependent relationships that I have learned more about myself.

When my Mom told me, “You are beautiful. You are smart ... You need to study hard, work hard, and make money … Don't trust anyone or you will get hurt ... Protect yourself!” I believed her completely. Although Mom passed away when I was 22 years old, I still lived under her influence for many more years. In a way, I was living her script. I thought I was the one who destroyed her marriage and happiness -- because I was born as a girl, not a boy. I told myself, "It is all my fault."

Children tend to personalize circumstances and take on adult responsibilities. What our parents taught us could affect our entire life. Parents, what are you teaching your kids?

Copyright © 2005 Parenting ABC